“To understand is to perceive patterns.”
Patterns can be beautiful and calming, even sensuous. Patterns can also be ugly and painful. When you have very strong pattern recognition, you see patterns everywhere and in everything. “Connecting the dots” is just something that comes naturally to someone like me. Whether it is patterns in tile or how leaves grow on a stem or human behavior, I recognize patterns.
This is why it frustrates me so much when others do not see the patterns staring right into their faces, especially when it comes to human behavior. How can you not see the pattern? It is right there in front of you, why can’t you see it? Is this a choice on your part or do you really not see it?
I wonder if it is just too painful for those who do not see the patterns of human behavior. Recognizing the pattern would mean that they would have to accept it for what it is and that is something that they cannot bring themselves to do. The truth can hurt. Maybe this is why I hear “give him/her the benefit of the doubt” and “let’s just see what happens” even though there has been years of evidence that shows a very clear pattern of behavior.
In Human Behavior Patterns (The Laws of Probability), Joseph “Joe” Panek states:
Isn’t it interesting how we, as human beings, Choose to Perceive Patterns? On one hand, we Choose to recognize some Patterns for what they Truly are. While on the other hand we Choose to analyze other Patterns until we become confused and dizzy.
For example: we know that the sun rises in the east; we know that if we let something slip from our hands it will fall to the ground; and we know that if we plant a petunia Seed it will grow into a petunia flower and not an oak Tree. We understand, and accept these natural Patterns as Truths and facts and we hardly, if ever, ask “Why?”.
However, when it comes to Human Patterns (Human Behavior) we take an entirely different stance or attitude; we automatically look for, and attempt to dissect, the “Why?” of the situation and casually Ignore the fact of the situation.
Why is this so? Why do we accept nature’s Patterns for what they are yet refuse to accept Human Behavior Patterns for what they are …a Pattern?
Since our earliest childhood society, and all of its factions, groups, and organizations, has Instructed us to recognize things for what they are.
We have been trained, mostly through Guilt, to Forgive and forget when we should be taught to be Aware and understand.
For Awareness and understanding are our most reliable allies. A person’s past is a testimonial to their future. If a person is a liar or a thief, this is what they are. There is no “sugar coating” of these facts. Yet, how many of us blindly give these individuals the “benefit of a doubt” only to rue our Decision and cry out “Why?”.
I was reminded again today that not everyone is willing to “connect the dots” when it comes to human behavior. It was a painful and disappointing reminder to me, because even someone like me who sees patterns everywhere still chooses to not see the truth for what it really is. I am human with a scientist brain and I have this incredible need to understand. I ask “why?” all the time.
Humans are messy. There are so many patterns that don’t make sense. I ask “why?” and the answers that are given often frustrate me or confuse me more.
- Why does he keep hurting me?
- This person has a tendency to not clue into my feelings and doesn’t notice a problem until it is too late.
- Why doesn’t my family see me for who I am?
- I am so much more than what they want to see.
- Why have I had to fight for so long to be able to be me?
- I have worth and I matter.
- Why is my “voice” not being taken seriously?
- Please hear me.
I am told I am just supposed to accept things for how they are and move on, that this is how things are done and how people are and there is no wavering from that. I can’t just blindly accept a pattern of behavior that doesn’t make any sense. Just because something has always been a certain way does not mean it has to always remain so. That is a choice to stay like that; to remain behaving in such a way that it continues to hurt people as well as yourself.
After finishing writing that paragraph above, I find myself asking another “why?” question.
- Why am I writing all this?
- I have been seeing a pattern for a long time and I have not wanted to see the truth in it.
Autistic people are commonly overly trusting and have very strong loyalty. I am no different. I stay and continue to be hurt. I have remained loyal even though the trust had been shattered. I still don’t know why I did that and continue to do so. Over the past year he and I have been working on trying to glue that trust back together, but it remains cracked and fragile. I made a choice to give him the benefit of the doubt even though there had been an accumulation of years of evidence showing a pattern of behavior that was very questionable.
In the above paragraph I wrote, “I can’t just blindly accept a pattern of behavior that doesn’t make any sense. Just because something has always been a certain way does not mean it has to always remain so. That is a choice to stay like that; to remain behaving in such a way that it continues to hurt people as well as yourself.” Yet here I am in the same questionable situation again where I am emotionally hurt on a regular basis. I have chosen to be here. I am the one who has the pattern of behavior that doesn’t make any sense.
Again, another “why?” question:
- Why have I done this?
- Because I listened to my heart instead of my brain. I wanted my family back. I wanted the man I loved back.
Emotions are funny that way. They blind you to the truth. I can rationalize his pattern of behavior all I like, I did it before my trust in him was shattered, but it doesn’t change the fact that the emotional pain continues. Does he love me? Yes. Does he mean to hurt me? No. As I stated before, he is not conscious of my feelings and still doesn’t understand triggers, or the need to feel safe, or why it is so important to me to have my feelings validated.
He has chosen to not have pattern recognition when it comes to people. It makes him visibly uncomfortable to discuss matters of human nature. He doesn’t seem to want to be aware of what is happening around him. He just wants to live his life his way and be shut off from the world. Unfortunately, he has a family that doesn’t fit into his way of doing things. My children and I are very much part of this world and do not want to be cut off from it. This means I have a difficult choice to make – Do I stay silent, or keep pointing out patterns of behavior hoping to get somewhere, or just leave all together?
I don’t have an answer to that question at this time.
All I see is the pattern and it worries me.
“To Ignore Human Behavior Patterns, along with the Laws of Probability associated with these Patterns, is to subject ourselves to a lifetime of continual victimization. And if we Honestly look at the personal tragedies of our Past, we are likely to discover that they are the result of the people we allow into our lives and the obvious Behavior Patterns we Choose to Ignore.
For, in the end, whether we Choose to accept this fact or not, a Pattern is a Pattern is a Pattern”
– Joseph “Joe” Panek
**Image found at http://funzypics.com/board/pins/387/28592