Anxiety, why do you torture me so?
The heavy breathing of panic,
The buzzing in my brain that exercise doesn’t subdue,
The pounding stims that have started up,
The flicking fingers that will not still,
Anxiety, just stop!!
What is behind all this anguish?
I want to escape, but escape from what?
My senses are heightened for why I do not know.
My feet and legs want to run, and run, and run.
There is no destination that will take me away this.
The torturer is inside me.
Anxiety, let me go!
I want to be free, but you are too strong.
Your invisible claws have enclosed around me.
No one sees my torment, for you have taught me to hide.
I must hide this agony, because no one believes me.
I am told I am being silly, that it is nothing, that there really isn’t a problem.
So, I suffer in silence and go about my day.
For me, Anxiety and Depression tend to go hand in hand.
I continue to fight against Anxiety and it wears me down.
Depression moves in due to my weakened state.
I am being attacked on all sides.
Yet, no one sees this battle, for the battle is inside me.
I cry, I yell, I run, I write, I make art.
I do this to fight the never ending onslaught of Anxiety.
I am weary in this battle.
There are days Anxiety gets the upper hand.
More days than I would like to admit, but I persevere.
Battles may be lost, but I carry on to fight another day.
Because loosing this war is not an option.
I will not allow Anxiety to be victorious.
So I take deep breaths, I center myself, and I continue on.
(Image is of a drawing of woman in a dress sitting down while covering her face. Artist is Clara Lieu.)