Tag Archives: communication

“Telling Your Story with a Purpose”

It has been awhile since I wrote. I am a single mom working three jobs and home schooling my two children at the same time.  I have just been a wee bit busy lately.  Now that the end of school rush is over and summer break is upon us, I am down to working one job and teaching only one home school summer course. This leaves me with enough time and energy to devote to writing again.   

I started writing a blog on Tumblr back in September 2012. I was just beginning to find my “voice” back then and was encouraged by a fellow teacher and parent to start writing in a more public venue. It took a lot of encouragement by my friend, but eventually Geeky Science Mom’s Tumblr was born.  I didn’t really have a focus of the blog in the beginning. 

At that time a Tumblr blogger still needed to know the codes in order to properly format their blogs. I was learning and experimenting and reaching out to people in cyberspace to see how I could help. My Tumblr may have started as a cat, fandom, art, science, parent, and autism information page, but my blogs eventually became longer and longer.  My writing became more focused as well.

I was diagnosed in December 2011 at the age of 36 after both my children were diagnosed. Here we are five and a half years later. During that time I have completed a Master’s degree that started out with a focus in Science Education and ended with a focus in Autism Education.  We moved across the state to start a new life where my children could have access to better opportunities.  My marriage fell apart shortly after.  My ex-husband came back three years later, but it didn’t work out due to his abusive nature.  

For more information about my experience with emotional abuse and how to deal with it:

Invisible Scars – A Tale of Emotional Abuse  (June 9, 2014)

Dealing With Emotional Abuse in Families (May 5, 2016)

So many things have happened in my life in what feels like such a short time. I just turned 42 a couple of weeks ago. I never ever thought that I would be a single mom with two teenagers, homeschooling, and working three jobs just to make ends meet.  I have been a teacher for 19 years. We are on Medicaid, because I am not eligible for medical insurance through my employers due to my part-time standing. We are on food assistance.  My daughter is on SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance).  We live in a rural community.  The three of us live in a very small two bedroom apartment.  Part of the living room is partitioned off so my son can have a bedroom.  Everything we own is old.  We can’t even afford the luxury of television services, but we have a Wii player that was a Christmas gift that we play Netflix through.

The Aspie Teacher blog was created to tell the story of my family’s journey, but I tell the story through my perspective.  When I tell my story I am coming from a lot of different angles that I have personally experienced.  I don’t just share my story to complain.  Yes, I have experienced a lot of heartache in my life, but the purpose of my blog is not to just complain about the hardships I have experienced. 

I have a personal philosophy. To me, helping one person at a time is worth all the effort I put into my work.  If I can help make one person not feel alone, help one person make their life better, then it is all worth it. I believe in the idea of paying it forward.  I help one person, then that person will go help another, and so on and so forth.

I had a friend help me find my “voice” after a life time of feeling ignored, dismissed, and squashed into a box that I didn’t fit in. I have spent a life time of having to deal with things on my own, crisis after crisis and feeling abandoned and not understood when I reached out for help.

“What I remember most about emotional abuse is that it’s like being put in a box. How you end up in there is the biggest trick – I never managed to work that one out. Maybe you think it’s a treasure box at first: you’re in there because you’re special.

Soon the box starts to shrink. Every time you touch the edges there is an “argument”. So you try to make yourself fit. You curl up, become smaller, quieter, remove the excessive, offensive parts of your personality – you begin to notice lots of these. You eliminate people and interests, change your behaviour. But still the box gets smaller.

You think it’s your fault. The terrible, unforgivable too-muchness of you is to blame. You don’t realise that the box is shrinking, or who is making it smaller. You don’t yet understand that you will never, ever be tiny enough to fit, or silent enough to avoid a row.”

It’s time to make emotional abuse a crime – Lauren Laverne  (via trashysnacks)(via gularasi)

I don’t want others to have to go through what I did. I want to help them find their “voice”.  I want them to feel safe to tell their story if they want to.  I want others to feel that they are being heard and understood, but this requires that the writing have a purpose so you can grab the audience that the writing is intended for.

How does one tell their story with a purpose?

Recently I went to a training that was entitled “Telling Your Story with a Purpose”. A lot of good advice was provided and what was shared reminded how I struggled over the years with disclosing about my disability, my PTSD, and how much should I disclose about my family and personal experiences.  It took me eleven years to finally be able to share all the parts of my medical trauma publicly in one place, which you can find here –The Volcano is Awake.

When I finally was able to publicly share my medical trauma that led to my diagnosis of PTSD, it was such a release. It was finally out there.  Once it was out there I was able to make some very important decisions about my life.  Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries were absolutely necessary if I was going to be able to make any further progress in my recovery.  The story that first started The Aspie Teacher blog was to jump-start a necessary step in my recovery, but also to let others know about autistic burnout and about trauma bonds. The purpose of my story was not only about helping me. It was to help others as well.   

Telling your story doesn’t have to be in the form of a blog. It could be in poetry, or song, or dance, or in a painting or drawing.  The list goes on.  In June of 2016, my son was finishing up a unit on poetry.  The final assignment was to write two poems in the form of his choice.  He worked very hard on metaphor usage.  His poems told stories and you can find those stories here – An Awakening.

It takes a lot of time and a lot of courage to come out and tell your story. It is not an easy thing to do and it is not for everyone.  Finding your “voice” is also a challenge, but social media platforms are making it easier for people to find a way to express their “voice” and reach out to others who will hear them and connect with the story. 

I follow the three C’s – You have to make a Choice to take a Chance or nothing will ever Change. I made a choice to take a chance with telling my story and things changed for me.  I began to feel more empowered and more sure of myself and my abilities.  Finding my “voice” changed my world for the better. 

Here is a video that I thought fit with the message of this blog – One Small Voice | ASL | Educational Songs | Kids Videos | YouTube for Kids | Jack Hartmann

Here are the lyrics to “One Small Voice”

With just one small voice
Singing out a song
With just one small voice
Singing sweet and strong
One by one they’ll grow
And together sing along
And then soon all the world
Will be singing

With just one small voice
Singing out a song
With just one small voice
Singing sweet and strong
One by one they’ll grow
And together sing along
And then soon all the world
Will be singing

The following lists were put together by the Seattle Children’s Hospital – Center for Children With Special Needs and the Washington State Department of Health

Things to Think About When Telling Your Story in Public

  1. You have some distance and perspective on your experience vs. being in the midst of it or still actively working through it.
  2. The story has benefit for others. It’s not about your personal agenda, frustration, or current issue.
  3. You feel ready to share it. Trust your instincts. Share parts of the experience that you are ready for now – you don’t need to tell it all.
  4. You are relatively comfortable talking about your experience. It’s not at your expense – you don’t feel overly vulnerable, exposed or shamed.

Guidelines for Self-Disclosure When Presenting

  1. Stay with the focus of your message – less is usually more.
  2. Protect the privacy of others.

**Remember – When it is put online, it is online forever. Privacy of others must be protected.

The Story of the Liberal and the Conservative and the Need for Consensus . . . . .

Ah, politics. In the United States, our current presidential election race started in March of 2015. Here we are, 19 months later, and the presidential election is almost over.  The general election is November 8, 2016. With only one more week to go until the 45th president is determined, many in the United States are bracing for the end of this very long, very frustrating, and very bizarre presidential race.

Those in my house have wanted all this turmoil to end some time ago and there is a very good reason for this. We have a unique situation in my house, so I am going to digress from my usual talking points and discuss this unique situation. 

My husband is a conservative and I am a liberal. You can probably imagine the arguments we get into.  Finding middle ground is considerably difficult, especially on issues where our passions are very strong.  Then mix in the fact that I am autistic, which inherently leads to social and communication difficulties on my part. My husband is not autistic, but he does have his own form of communication difficulties.  He struggles with expressing himself effectively, particularly when it comes to issues where emotions are involved.

Two people living under the same roof with opposite views when it comes to which direction this country should go. We basically want the same thing, but it is in the “how” that we differ. This “how” comes from how we see the world. Basically, our perspectives, our values, and what we feel is really important. The different ways that our brains are wired, and our ongoing difficulties to effectively communicate with each other, cause a lot of tension in our house, particularly when it comes to political issues.  

Student News Daily breaks down this conundrum of Liberals vs. Conservatives:

We all want the same things in life. We want freedom; we want the chance for prosperity; we want as few people suffering as possible; we want healthy children; we want to have crime-free streets. The argument is how to achieve them…

Liberals believe in government action to achieve equal opportunity and equality for all. It is the duty of the government to alleviate social ills and to protect civil liberties and individual and human rights. Believe the role of the government should be to guarantee that no one is in need. Liberal policies generally emphasize the need for the government to solve problems.

Conservatives believe in personal responsibility, limited government, free markets, individual liberty, traditional American values and a strong national defense. Believe the role of government should be to provide people the freedom necessary to pursue their own goals. Conservative policies generally emphasize empowerment of the individual to solve problems.

NOTE: The terms “left” and “right” define opposite ends of the political spectrum.  In the United States, liberals are referred to as the left or left-wing and conservatives are referred to as the right or right-wing.  On the U.S. political map, blue represents the Democratic Party (which generally upholds liberal principles) and red represents the Republican Party (which generally upholds conservative principles).

Many times when a person hears the word “conservative” they tend to think “Republican”. This thinking also applies to the word “liberal” being connected to “Democrat”.  In my house this is not the case.  I am an Independent.  I am not affiliated with any political group.  My husband leans towards the Libertarians.  He doesn’t agree with everything that is on the Libertarian Party platform, but he agrees with the general idea of their platform – limit the government and leave us the heck alone so we can make choices for ourselves!

From the Libertarian platform Preamble – “As Libertarians, we seek a world of liberty; a world in which all individuals are sovereign over their own lives and no one is forced to sacrifice his or her values for the benefit of others.”

The simple definition of individualism is “the belief that the needs of each person are more important than the needs of the whole society or group”. That might work for some people, but not for me.  I feel if we are going to be able to have equality and equal opportunity for all then the federal government has to play a big role in accomplishing that.  Again, this is just my view.  There are many that feel that individual states should have more rights over what happens within their borders and that there is too much overreach by the federal government. That is their view and they have that right.  I fight for social justice, so this idea of individualism and autonomy over the needs of the whole society is counter intuitive to my desire for a healthy society for all.

According to Don Young, a healthy society has some underlying values:

  • The economy is an integral part of any society; the economy of a healthy society is governed by democratically developed principles.
  • A society should be judged in terms of the well-being of all its members.
  • A healthy society protects the weak while creating opportunities for the strong to flourish; it respects the cultures and human rights of all sectors. The dominant culture of a healthy society promotes co-operation and collaboration as checks and balances on competitive forces.
  • A healthy society needs robust laws and their fair enforcement, as well as creatively governed autonomous institutions that function to promote well-being. It uses law both to deal justly with those who cause harm or threaten the peace, and to protect freedom of expression and assembly.

When it comes to the Republican Party, I have voted for Republican candidates in the past, but never for president. I cannot in good conscious go along with the current Republican platform.  I feel the current party leaders are trying to take this country backwards, not forwards. 

Then there is the Green Party and the Constitution Party. Nope, not for me. The Green Party is too far left and the Constitution Party is too far right.  I think I am more a centrist that is leaning more to the left side than the right side when it comes to the political spectrum.

This is why I currently find myself leaning towards the Democrat platform. I don’t agree with everything that is on this platform, but the current Democrat platform is focusing on the issues that are important to me.  My passions lie in equality and equal opportunity for all, including marriage equality, separation of church and state, health care for all, education (supporting public schools), disability rights, maintaining a woman’s right to choose, science, and the environment – a very much liberal type of platform.

My husband is very much a gun enthusiast, very much a proponent of the constitution, very much supports individual freedoms. Any sense of infringement on these hot-topic issues causes considerable emotional outbursts. This is where his passions lie. There is nothing wrong with this. I support people defending their passions and expressing their feelings.  The problem is that any talk of services that everyone is required to take part in order for all to have access, any talk of gun legislation, and any legislation that could be construed as potentially impeding individual freedoms causes a lot friction between the two of us.

I think society as a whole needs to be addressed and he feels individualism is more important than society.

The story of the liberal and the conservative and the need for consensus . . . . .

From Don Young in What makes societies healthy?:

Poisonous Parties

In both the UK and the US, government is dominated by two political parties. Historically, political parties grew their strength out of their members, primarily at local and regional levels. The rise of mass media, the 24-hour news cycle, and the take-over of party leadership by ambitious men (and a few women) with little or no local regional roots have fundamentally changed the parties. As the party system is not underpinned or constrained by either broad based memberships or any effective collaborative frameworks, they have become largely representative of special interests. This is a tragedy, because as each party’s base becomes narrower and less diverse, the processes of government are more and more bent to serve the interests of the powerful at the expense of the whole people.

Party funding in the UK and the US

The Conservative Party is nearly entirely funded by finance, industry and super-rich individuals; and the Labour Party by trades union bosses supposedly representing their members. Both parties have lost the bulk of their grass-roots memberships. Few members of Parliament have had any significant careers outside of Westminster; their leaders are largely drawn from much the same small pool of party interns and graduates of elite schools or universities; with women’s and ethnic minorities’ barely represented. Membership subscriptions have become insignificant, and both parties rely on special interest donations. Smaller parties seldom get a real chance of attaining power. The electoral system also prevents a wide range of interests from being represented. Britain’s current attempt at coalition government has been characterised by internal conflict and increasingly poisonous relations between the Liberal Democratic party and the right wing of the Conservatives. The Labour Party is now in conflict with union bosses, who believe that their members’ subscriptions should give them the right to appoint Labour Party candidates for safe parliamentary seats. The small regional parties merit barely any attention on the national scene, and the three major parties each face a nation with large geographical areas where they are barely to be seen.

In the United States, Republicans and Democrats seem to be fighting to the death in Congress, preventing most legislative action, even that which could be beneficial to the nation as a whole. The Republicans in particular, are in thrall to extremist forces that oppose whatever the President and his party proposes. In effect, the government is paralysed. (Highlighted for pertinence.)

The prevailing politics in both the UK and US, funded by massive lobbying interests and powerful commercial institutions, has become a negation of democracy. The interests of the rich and powerful trump the common interest. This has become evident to the wider population, who have lost trust and faith in politicians, big business, big unions, and in particular investment banks, hedge funds, private equity houses, and other financial institutions.

The consequences

As a consequence, it is almost impossible for political parties to come together to agree on issues of extreme national importance. Even when they might agree in principle, many politicians emphasise differences to satisfy increasing number of extremists who make up the rump of party membership. There are no powerful counter-weight institutions to bring together the interests of the work force, business, and regions. The result has been serious economic decline and a widening of the gap between the privileged and the less fortunate. Without national consensus, especially about the nature of a healthy society, it is hard to see how either Britain or America can re-build healthy societies with economies and public services that support the interests of all. (Highlighted for pertinence.)

So, here we are in the United States, trying to find consensus in a world where our government has become paralyzed. It is difficult to navigate such a world, especially when you find yourself living with someone who is politically opposite you and you live in a part of a state where you find yourself the minority when to comes to political matters.

I fear the outcome of this current presidential election. Due to obstructionism and extremists, it doesn’t look good one way and looks even worse the other way. I prefer one candidate over another for very specific reasons, but with everything that has been happening in this country, the world as we knew it under President Obama’s eight years of leadership is over and I don’t do well with unknowns.